How to Respond to the Other Parent in Custody Disputes

As an attorney, I often get questions on how to respond to the other parent’s messages in custody matters. It is not in anyone’s best interest, generally, for me or anyone to craft messages on your behalf because then you do not get the experience you will need. Here are some key points to guide you on handling these interactions, keeping the focus on your child and reducing unnecessary conflict.

1. Keep it Short and Peaceful

Avoid long explanations or emotional responses. Short, respectful replies show maturity and avoid escalation. Keeping your messages brief and neutral helps maintain a professional tone and focuses only on necessary information.

• • Example 1: “Thank you for the update. I’ll be there for pick-up at 5 PM as planned.”
    Explanation: A simple acknowledgment without extra commentary shows cooperation and prevents unnecessary back-and-forth.

• • Example 2: “Noted. Let me know if anything changes regarding the school schedule.”
    Explanation: This polite, brief response acknowledges the other parent’s message without adding opinions or extra details.
  • Example 3: “I appreciate the information. Let’s stick to the usual routine.”
    Explanation: This keeps the tone positive and focused on stability, supporting a smooth interaction.

2. Assume It’s a Court Exhibit

Since each communication may be shown to a judge, write as if it’s part of the case record. This means keeping responses polite, clear, and focused on the child’s best interests, avoiding hostility and using only factual language.

• • Example 1: “Per the court order, I’ll have our child ready by 4 PM for exchange.”
    Explanation: Referring to the court order directly shows you’re following the agreed-upon terms and keeps the message factual.

• • Example 2: “To clarify, my understanding is that extracurricular activities are shared expenses. I’ll contribute accordingly.”
    Explanation: Stating facts about shared responsibilities shows a cooperative approach and commitment to the court’s directives.

• • Example 3: “I understand your point and will continue following the existing schedule per our agreement.”
    Explanation: This keeps the response courteous and reminds the other parent that you’re sticking to what was decided.

3. Follow the Court Order in Place

Always follow the court-ordered custody arrangements. If the other parent requests a change, stick to the current terms unless a court modifies them. Showing consistent adherence to the order supports your case and prevents confusion.

• • Example 1: “As outlined in our court order, I’ll pick up the children on my scheduled day.”
    Explanation: This clear reference to the court order reinforces your commitment to the agreed schedule.

• • Example 2: “Please refer to our custody agreement regarding this issue. I will continue following it.”
    Explanation: A respectful reminder to follow the existing terms emphasizes stability for the child.

• • Example 3: “The court order specifies our time allocation, so I’ll adhere to that plan.”
    Explanation: Keeps communication straightforward and ensures the other parent knows you’re abiding by the court’s decision.

4. Remind the Other Parent to Discuss Children Only

If the other parent brings up unrelated issues, politely guide the conversation back to matters involving the children. This keeps the interaction relevant and reduces unnecessary conflict.

• • Example 1: “Let’s keep our discussions focused on the children and their needs.”
    Explanation: A simple reminder keeps communication productive and child-centered.

• • Example 2: “Our priority is the kids. I’d prefer to keep our conversations centered on their well-being.”
    Explanation: Reinforces the importance of keeping discussions relevant to parenting.

• • Example 3: “To keep things productive, let’s stick to updates or questions about the children.”
    Explanation: Keeps the focus on the children and sets a respectful boundary for the conversation.

5. If Harassed or Threatened, Politely Ask to Stop

If the other parent becomes aggressive or harasses you, calmly ask them to stop. Remaining polite shows maturity and focuses on diffusing the situation without responding emotionally.

• • Example 1: “Please stop messaging me about unrelated topics. I’d like to keep our conversations focused on the kids.”
    Explanation: Setting a boundary helps manage conflict and signals that you’re only interested in discussing the children.

• • Example 2: “If you have concerns about our arrangement, please follow the court order. I’ll be happy to continue discussing the children respectfully.”
    Explanation: Politely redirects back to following the court’s terms, maintaining a calm and clear boundary.

• • Example 3: “I feel our conversation is turning unproductive. Please keep the tone respectful so we can focus on our child’s needs.”
    Explanation: Shows you’re willing to communicate but reinforces the need for respectful dialogue.

 

 

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Disclaimer: This blog is for informational purposes only and does not constitute legal advice. For specific legal guidance on your case, please contact The Mines Law Firm for representation.